I Killed my angel

Today morning I wake up and sit in front on my laptop loooking at some picures..........havent looked at them in a while.... old ones... and then I suddenly realised.... what I have lost..... I had everything.... but I didnt know... now that its lost for ever...... no chance to reclaim it... An angel found me... but I was foolish enough to kill it.... and kill it many times over and over again... I was selfish..... and blind.... Now that I have changed.... the angel is no more... I keep looking for my angel.... But its nothing like your angel finding you.......

The DON

Don will you everything you need, Don will give you money, Don will give you wine, Don will give you women.... Don will give you everything you need.... and in the end Don will kill you.

Courtesy -: A friend of mine.

Not my game anymore

Inabilities.... I have a lot of them.... Everybody does... and when I find out one I try to overcome it... in a natural way.... somtimes I succed..... sometimes I fail... If I fail I try again...... but....when It becomes a competition.....when I am put behind somone due to my inability...... when I am compared with someone better in the area...thats not a good feeling.... and then I learn... I sit down... I analyse... I study and I enter the field again... and still... there is no improvement....and still I am unable to outdo the competition.... that really hurts...and I repeat the whole process... again and again... and still... Im behind... and thats when I realise... "NOT MY GAME ANYMORE"

Being a Man

There was a time to show it... and I was not a man enough then. and it showed... I was afraid of the world... now I hate it..... I was forced to do stupid things... and the stupidest of things happend. Bottles emptied... Lifes messed up.... and when it comes to pay the price, I paid in tears.... costs me nothing.... but.... someone paid for it with their life... for my mistake.... for me not being a man enough....got to mature.....and in the process... many more lives to sacrified.... just to make me a man enough....

Something that I learned the hard way

Somethings are a habit to us. Somethings we learn from our family, friends etc with out much effort. But some things are not at all easy.... and this is one thing I learned the hard way.

"You have to sell yourself consciously"

I always had a belief that whatever we deserve cos of our ability will come to us. If I am honest, if I am good at what I do, I will be recognized. But its not at all true. You will have to sell yourself.... To some people its a very natural activity. And for some its not. But many of the times you will have to do it consciously. Whether its about a job interview, a client meeting, a social gathering or getting a girl... the selling part is of paramount importance....

Vacation...

Ive been on vacation as far as blogging is concerned for the last month. Been busy with work, swimming in the oceans of technology. Ideas, analysis, documents, mails, meetings. its a new world...

Will be busy with work stuff for some more time.. but will come back to blogging as soon as i get time...

Romance -

This was posted as a comment to the post "LOVE" by a friend of mine.
Its beautiful.



Cold be the breeze around us,
Starry be the night with moon following us,
Branches twisting, twirling and hugging each other,
Endless be the path finding its way through eternity.

Just you and me and that long drive,
Where trees are bending over us,
Those clouds forming a cozy blanket,
With drizzles playing hide and seek with us.

Your presence making my heart beat faster and slower at the same time,
Your hands playing with my curls and mine with your ears,
Your eyes speaking my heart out,
Contravening all the silence within.

Your hands locking mine with a firm grip,
Your hold taking the toll,
Wondering those moves made by your fingers,
My dreamy walk is longing to get real.

Knowledge is Power

We all know the importance of knowledge. But do we really care about acquairing knowledge ? Normally people panic when they are in trouble. Thats a reaction to being in trouble. We get angry and frustrated when things are not going according to we planned. Yet another typical reaction. And there are are even more situations where these reactions are predictable. And most of the times these may not be the best reactions..And knowing this give you the power to control.

Knowing typical reactions to typical scenarious is very useful. Consider this..
You have a girlfriend and you see her sitting with another boy and talking to him. Almost everyone will feel uneasy and jealous. And sometime they openly show it. And this will have a bad impression on the girl. Some will tell her that you are mine.. dont sit with others... talk to others...
This is a very common mistake..

Jealousy in love is very common, but you can overcome it if you can understand it. If you know that what you are feeling right now is a typical behaviour, and its not wise to show it then you can control it. But that knowledge is very very important.

And there are many other occasions where human behaviour is predictable. If we can understnad them all... then we can control them. We can make lesser mistakes.

What is a match ?

Do you believe in the age old concept of a match found in movies ?. The made for each other concept. But in reality its not made for each other... its made for many... or made for none...

There are some, with which almost everyone can spend their lifetime.... and there are some which almost everyone is going to have trouble getting along with. There is no made for each other funda...

It always takes a lot of understnding.

Everyone should go and watch the movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. Karan Johar is introducing a new concept. A concept that is way beyond the comprehension of the audiance. As the movie progresses we can experince an uneasy audiance in the theatre... an audiance which finds the concept very disturbing and very openly expresses it. And most of them leave the theatre with a dissatisfied look.. not having got what they came for... a happy jolly karan johar movie.

The movie deals with concepts like infidelity, marriage problems and above all the concept of letting gooo...

On contrary to the age old saying... a match is not made in heaven its made right here...

Acceptance of the reality

Recently I watched a movie named "50 first dates". The story is of a girl who has short term memory loss due to an accident. Every day is a new day for her. And our hero meets her one day and impresses her and they decide to date. But the next day she cant remember anything. So the hero is a dilema that he has to win her over every day. (Think how hard it is.... considering that fact that many of us cant even do it in 23 years).

Now coming to the point... her dad accepts the fact that his daughter is dating someone. Dating is a process of getting to know each other...... its like a demo application we install on our computer... we try .. and if we are not satisfied we try another.... The western world have accepted this fact and is living with it. This process happens here also... but we are reluctant to see it in such a way. We attach some divinity to it. Unthinkable...... Well theres nothing unthinkable....


Every time we get attracted to the other sex.... in colleges, work places.... everywhere. Sometimes we do it in a structured way and we call it courtship. Matchmaking is a similar activity.



See this link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating

Love - From Experience

Ive been talking to a friend of mine who is a US girl travelling around the globe. We used to do a lot of tech talk and some how today we talked about love and GF/BF stuff. And as the discussion progresses she said something that struck me. Some thing that Ive experienced... she put it into nice words. It follows

"you will fall in love with your first gf, she will break your heart, you will become little less sensitive and romantic....(more practical basically) and you will go through coupla more relationships, some good some bad...and eventually they will look like headache to you, but you will still want to be in relationship. and you will keep looking and keep meeting wrong ppl and eventually the whole relationship crap will become a game, timepass as they say, and you will only do it for sex or for company etc and rest of the time you will be sooooo happy to not be in relationship. thats how it goes, and eventually you may end up getting married, but gosh, marriage is wayyyy tooo much work and 50% them fail"


And Ive experienced what she said. We keep on losing our innocence. May be thats how we grow, may be thats how we fight being hurt. may be thats how life is.... get involved, get hurt, patch it up, dont repeat.... the cycle continues. Lucky are the ones who are able to break it. Lucky are the ones who can have a fresh start.... as they can remain as innocent as a kid and enjoy the world.

Love

My idea of love is expressed in this picture. Its from a movie name "A Walk to Remember". This is how i want to live. And this is the feeling that i want to have forever.

Why am I worried...

Hey sometimes i think why i should worrry about all this now. I am only 22.5 and i think a lot about this stuff.... hey i am a techie... and still why am i wasting soo much time after this... ?

May be because i look a lot older than i am...
May be because people whom i meet for the first time usually ask me "Whats your wife doing "?? Some have even asked me .. how many kids i have.... ??

May be because I feeel its very important... or i do have fears that i might fail to be a good husband, or my wife if not propoerly chosen is going to ruin my life.

Actually the whole thought process was initiated by a series of marriages of my relatives and some of my close friends. I began to feel that the whole system makes the bride and the groom vnuerable to failure. And still people approach it with a light heart.

I dont want to happen that to me... but still i have no choice.... all the birds are on the tree and i dont know how to climb one....

Human made religion

This is in response to a comment on the blog below. Mixed marriages might fail... but whose fault is it ? If the marriage fails because its a mixed marriage then the religion itself is the problem.

See the comment made by my friend.

I like it very much.

"The dirtiest thing to bring between the divine love is the dirty human made relegion"

Mixed marriages

Apart from the choice factor mixed marriages have an advantage of introducing communal harmony. But again i am no politician. I see it as a beautiful way to get married. The only thing that should divide two partners must be the fact that one is a male and the other is a female. Silly religions and other divisions have already created a lot of broken hearts. Evil.... thats how i see it.

Matter of choice

I dont like religions, i dont like religious leaders. Not becasue of the hatred they are spreading, not because of the cheap tricks they do to keep the followors with them. Not because they are the dirtiest in mind.

Ive been a regualr visitor to matrimonial sites, and in those to search i will give my age, cast, religion, group inside religion, state etc..... and i get 25 results. Out of these 25 there will only be 2 or 3 for whcih there is a remote possibility. And if we search without any of these silly stupid nonsense features like religion, caste etc i end up with more than 1500 listings. Of which i like may be a 100 will be there. See the difference....

These religious idiots are limiting our choice yaar.....

Changing Scenario

Times are changing. The days where the girl used to be submissive character is gone. Now they demand an equal share in the partnership. Financial independance, more liberal outlook etc have made these possible.

There was a time when every girl used to learn cooking.... learn household work. Now its medcine and engineering that they study. Many dont even know how to make tea. Any ways I know enough cooking to sustain myself. The change is good..... but how many are ready to accept it. How many are ready to give a helping hand in the kitchen. I am ready.... at least i wont show any objection when i speak. But when it comes to really helping... i dont know.

When girls get busy with their profession.... who will do the household job.. ??? Well lets appoint a servent. ....

Contract

Everyones asking.... what do you expect from your wife. ???
Well is that an easy question. ? I myself dont know what i want.
When i see ads in papers i feel people are making marriages a contract.
You specify the deliverables.. and if the product matches your deliverables you marry.


I dont want to be a deliverable myself.

in a class of 60 students only 2 or 3 will be your good friends. Some will be just acquaintances. So how did those 2 or three become your good friends ?? Is it becasue you published your requirements, they satisfied it... and you decided to be friends.... I guess not. You studied in the same class and through interaction you knew in your sub conscious mind that you are compatiable and you beamce friends.

Friends can be changed. We can get a new friend any day. But can I get a new wife when i want ?? I guess NO willl be the answer. None seems to care abt this compatiability issue. Everyones looking at the deliverables only.

I expect to live happily with my wife. But how can i create the requirements for my wife so that ill be happy with her after marriage.

How can you guarantee that you will be happy if your wife meets so and so conditions.
if you feel so.... then meet you one year after your marriage cos ive seen fully satisfied on their requirements before marriage and unhappy about their spouse after marriage.

Deal...

Most of the time its a one sided deal. One of the partner will have to submit eveerything. And most of the time poor girls sacrifice their wishes for the marriage to last long. Thats an acceptable case in india. If its the otherway around it seems very wiered .

Criter continued

I asked a friend of mine abroad..... what her expectation are for her future husband...
The answers were typical.


"just that ..i preffer someboday frm here..i mean who been here for the last few yrs..not someone who is born and raised here
some one who is strong at heart..who has a good idea of wht he wants ..not childish..
then...let me se
ofcourse tall enough for me
who should have a good family value...and has enoug spiritual belief
not too socializing but should have agood social life"


So what does she want from her husband ???