Love - From Experience

Ive been talking to a friend of mine who is a US girl travelling around the globe. We used to do a lot of tech talk and some how today we talked about love and GF/BF stuff. And as the discussion progresses she said something that struck me. Some thing that Ive experienced... she put it into nice words. It follows

"you will fall in love with your first gf, she will break your heart, you will become little less sensitive and romantic....(more practical basically) and you will go through coupla more relationships, some good some bad...and eventually they will look like headache to you, but you will still want to be in relationship. and you will keep looking and keep meeting wrong ppl and eventually the whole relationship crap will become a game, timepass as they say, and you will only do it for sex or for company etc and rest of the time you will be sooooo happy to not be in relationship. thats how it goes, and eventually you may end up getting married, but gosh, marriage is wayyyy tooo much work and 50% them fail"


And Ive experienced what she said. We keep on losing our innocence. May be thats how we grow, may be thats how we fight being hurt. may be thats how life is.... get involved, get hurt, patch it up, dont repeat.... the cycle continues. Lucky are the ones who are able to break it. Lucky are the ones who can have a fresh start.... as they can remain as innocent as a kid and enjoy the world.

Love

My idea of love is expressed in this picture. Its from a movie name "A Walk to Remember". This is how i want to live. And this is the feeling that i want to have forever.

Why am I worried...

Hey sometimes i think why i should worrry about all this now. I am only 22.5 and i think a lot about this stuff.... hey i am a techie... and still why am i wasting soo much time after this... ?

May be because i look a lot older than i am...
May be because people whom i meet for the first time usually ask me "Whats your wife doing "?? Some have even asked me .. how many kids i have.... ??

May be because I feeel its very important... or i do have fears that i might fail to be a good husband, or my wife if not propoerly chosen is going to ruin my life.

Actually the whole thought process was initiated by a series of marriages of my relatives and some of my close friends. I began to feel that the whole system makes the bride and the groom vnuerable to failure. And still people approach it with a light heart.

I dont want to happen that to me... but still i have no choice.... all the birds are on the tree and i dont know how to climb one....

Human made religion

This is in response to a comment on the blog below. Mixed marriages might fail... but whose fault is it ? If the marriage fails because its a mixed marriage then the religion itself is the problem.

See the comment made by my friend.

I like it very much.

"The dirtiest thing to bring between the divine love is the dirty human made relegion"

Mixed marriages

Apart from the choice factor mixed marriages have an advantage of introducing communal harmony. But again i am no politician. I see it as a beautiful way to get married. The only thing that should divide two partners must be the fact that one is a male and the other is a female. Silly religions and other divisions have already created a lot of broken hearts. Evil.... thats how i see it.

Matter of choice

I dont like religions, i dont like religious leaders. Not becasue of the hatred they are spreading, not because of the cheap tricks they do to keep the followors with them. Not because they are the dirtiest in mind.

Ive been a regualr visitor to matrimonial sites, and in those to search i will give my age, cast, religion, group inside religion, state etc..... and i get 25 results. Out of these 25 there will only be 2 or 3 for whcih there is a remote possibility. And if we search without any of these silly stupid nonsense features like religion, caste etc i end up with more than 1500 listings. Of which i like may be a 100 will be there. See the difference....

These religious idiots are limiting our choice yaar.....

Changing Scenario

Times are changing. The days where the girl used to be submissive character is gone. Now they demand an equal share in the partnership. Financial independance, more liberal outlook etc have made these possible.

There was a time when every girl used to learn cooking.... learn household work. Now its medcine and engineering that they study. Many dont even know how to make tea. Any ways I know enough cooking to sustain myself. The change is good..... but how many are ready to accept it. How many are ready to give a helping hand in the kitchen. I am ready.... at least i wont show any objection when i speak. But when it comes to really helping... i dont know.

When girls get busy with their profession.... who will do the household job.. ??? Well lets appoint a servent. ....

Contract

Everyones asking.... what do you expect from your wife. ???
Well is that an easy question. ? I myself dont know what i want.
When i see ads in papers i feel people are making marriages a contract.
You specify the deliverables.. and if the product matches your deliverables you marry.


I dont want to be a deliverable myself.

in a class of 60 students only 2 or 3 will be your good friends. Some will be just acquaintances. So how did those 2 or three become your good friends ?? Is it becasue you published your requirements, they satisfied it... and you decided to be friends.... I guess not. You studied in the same class and through interaction you knew in your sub conscious mind that you are compatiable and you beamce friends.

Friends can be changed. We can get a new friend any day. But can I get a new wife when i want ?? I guess NO willl be the answer. None seems to care abt this compatiability issue. Everyones looking at the deliverables only.

I expect to live happily with my wife. But how can i create the requirements for my wife so that ill be happy with her after marriage.

How can you guarantee that you will be happy if your wife meets so and so conditions.
if you feel so.... then meet you one year after your marriage cos ive seen fully satisfied on their requirements before marriage and unhappy about their spouse after marriage.

Deal...

Most of the time its a one sided deal. One of the partner will have to submit eveerything. And most of the time poor girls sacrifice their wishes for the marriage to last long. Thats an acceptable case in india. If its the otherway around it seems very wiered .

Criter continued

I asked a friend of mine abroad..... what her expectation are for her future husband...
The answers were typical.


"just that ..i preffer someboday frm here..i mean who been here for the last few yrs..not someone who is born and raised here
some one who is strong at heart..who has a good idea of wht he wants ..not childish..
then...let me se
ofcourse tall enough for me
who should have a good family value...and has enoug spiritual belief
not too socializing but should have agood social life"


So what does she want from her husband ???

Criteria

When someone is looking for a boy for marriage the main criterias are

Reputed job
Good salary
non drinker
non smoker
Handsome

No body cares about compatiability. The boy and the girl gets atmost 30 mins to talk to each other and decide on whether or not to live 30 years together. And normally they boast to each other during that time. Then they build up dreams about the partner based on those 30 mins. Then after marriage its a painful process realising that things are not the way expected.

Arranged marriage ??

Well its the worst thing you can do in a relationship.
It may work. But its gambling.
I dont want to gamble with my life. I dont want luck to decide my future 30 or 40 years.
But i situations force you.....
I am not the kinda guy who can impress a girl
So love marriage is not an option for me.
I think this arranged marriage setup was created for people like me... who are the under dogs in the fight for a partner.

Finally its better to have something than nothing... so i am ready to forget the risks... i am forced to.....

What do u need from a marriage

Does anyone really know what they want from a marriage. ?
Everyones getting married these days. And I ve been thinking abt it a lot. Not Planning to get married soon, but thinking about how will it be like to live with a girl.... some one i have not seen yet.

This sudden thought about marriage was triggered by the fact that girls who used to be my classmates are getting married.... Suddenly started getting invitations.... and i began to think what all these people doing after getting married.

Is it a dream come true... or some sort of a regualr thing that everyone must go through. ?

Well if i get a girl who is a real problem herself.... my life is doomed.....

Stuff seems frightning.